Getting real, real quick

We are going to start off by being really vulnerable here. In 2015 I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Ulcerative Colitis (UC). The journey to diagnosis was not very fun, in fact it was to a degree mortifiying as a young teen to have, among many other things, a colonoscopy. Little did I know, that was only the beginning. Through a couple medications I was able to enter a state of remission. This lasted for about 5 years. Now, when I say remission, I had some normal UC symptoms, but I was still able to live life pretty normal.
Fast forward the 5 years to the dreadful year of 2020. My husband and I were newly weds and things were going great. Until I start to experience symptoms a little more intense than what I was used to. I won't go into specifics, but I knew I needed to see a doctor. I had aged out of my pediatric GI and had to find a new one. Long story short, I found one. I believed he was one of the best in town and truthfully, he probably was. To this day, I don't have anything against him, it just turned out it was not as good of a fit as I had hoped. Being in a flare can be difficult to come out of, and this one according to my doctor was bad. We tried multiple medications, but nothing was giving me any relief. I was only getting worse and feeling worse. This went on for about a year and a half to two years. I was exhausted. I also felt like a burden to so many around me as I felt like I couldn't do anything without my UC giving me problems. And the thing that I feel few understand about UC is we don't want you to understand what we go through because 99.9% of the time we would be mortified if you actually knew. Luckily I have a pretty understanding husband. He is so patient with me and does allow me to talk about my daily struggles so freely. 
Upon the two year mark of this my husband and I decided it was time to move on to another doctor. My doctor was good, but I felt like I had reached a dead end. And with me only getting worse according to my tests, we felt it was time. 
By the grace of God I came across a social media influencer who had recently began seeking treatment from Mayo Clinic. I followed her journey for a few months. After some research and talking to friends who had been there before, I decided to give it a go and see if by chance I could get in. I began the process of insurance, transfer of records and then I waited for a call. And waited. And waited. Turns out, MY DOCTOR NEVER SENT MY RECORDS!! I was beyond frustrated. Not just at the doctors office, but at myself for not following up sooner. It had been two months since I requested the transfer. Within a week of Mayo receiving my records, I received THE CALL! They accepted me as a patient. I was in tears. I could already see God at work. In the span of a 10 minute phone call I had my next 3 appointments set up. My husband and whole family were so excited for me, they knew this was potentially the best thing that had happened to me since my diagnosis in 2015. This was in August of 2022. We arrived at my first appointment and from the moment we got on campus of the clinic, I felt peace. I think I had the best blood pressure I've ever had at a doctors appointment. I felt safe. I felt like I was where I needed to be. My husband was also amazed and to this day he still gets stars in his eyes when he talks about how beautiful this place is. We were so excited. In a matter of two days spent there we had a plan. My whole team was on board and so were we. 
We tried each part of the plan for anywhere from 30-60 days before moving on. And even if I simply "was not a fan," we moved on. 
Fast forward to December. I had an appointment to discuss everything so far and re-evaluate. One of the many nice things about Mayo is there is no pressure to decide anything on the spot. They will show you options, provide educational resources, let you take time to talk it over with loved ones and reach out when you are ready. We sat on my next options for about a week before we really felt God calling us to start infusion treatment. My prayer was for it to be a obvious "no" if we were not to go down this path. I began infusions in January of 2023. The week after my first infusion was so rough, but more than anything my body was so tired. I am still nowhere near the remission finish line, but I believe this "thorn" will still have a flower at the end. I honestly feel like I have seen glimpses of it already in so many ways. Ways in which I plan to share in more postings. However, to wrap this one up, I just had my third infusion. I believe my hardest thing is accepting that it may not work right away. I still deal with pain that can only be described as someone stabbing me in the stomach and many other things that I won't share... For both of our sake. 
The point of me starting off with this particular post is to share a little bit of where I am currently in life. I also plan to share in every post a little bit of some of the work God is doing in me and through me.

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When Satan was attempting to tempt Jesus in Matthew, he says “If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread." I can't help but draw the parallel to how often my requests to God can sound so similar to Satans demands. My intentions may not be to get Jesus to fall into temptation, but are they any less self loathing? How often do we find ourselves saying to God "If you are who you say you are, fix this. I know you can."  We may not use those exact words, but often I find myself challenging God to prove to me who He is. Reality is He has nothing to prove to me, He owes me nothing and never has. I challenge myself to be less like satan and instead of making God prove to me he is capable, allowing His will be done. And come to him with thanksgiving in my heart. Additionally, allowing him to work through me, even when I think I am too broken.